2025: The End of Many Things
I have written a few of these end-of-the-year recaps over the past years, and this year it was almost impossible. Difficult, because many things happened in the course of just one year, and their impact on my life and career isn’t clear yet; only that they will have an impact. Straining, because the end of the year is a time when I am physically and mentally exhausted after the rush of the pre-holiday weeks and tired after travelling many thousands of kilometres to spend the holidays with family. Overwhelming, because being around a lot of people that I don’t see that often in a foreign country and foreign culture in someone else’s house quickly becomes too much for my autistic brain. Painful, because the pent-up stress and tension break through with a bout of migraine attacks, and almost all everyday activities become too hard to do. Sad, because a close family member passed away right before the holidays, unexpectedly, and what that means for those still alive and left with the aftermath. Angry, because I am not sure about my feelings and whether or not they are appropriate and about women’s role in society, in family, in friendship, in the local community; how they are taken for granted and neglected at the same time. How they give until there is nothing left but bitterness and confusion.
So, what should I write in my summary? List all my work and personal achievements? Document that I did more than preparing meals and cleaning up after others, and perhaps they will get rehearsed in my obituary when my time comes? Ends are difficult. We fight against the fleetingness of time, the change of the world and the inescapable death, destruction, and decay of all things. Ends are hard, and they take time to process.
In Between Time
Usually, I write my recaps so I can see what I have done, what I want to carry over into the new year, and what I want to leave unfinished or half-started. This time around, I couldn’t sit and reflect. With 2026 starting, we suddenly had a new war zone on the world map, and I had to go back ‘home’ and say farewell to my grandmother one last time. I also had to start in a new organisation, with new colleagues, new leaders and many open questions. The beginning was delayed because the end hadn’t been reached yet.
2026: An Interrupted Beginning
I took up working on this recap – again – after something ended; after getting back to Norway and starting up properly at work with the new department, colleagues, and leaders. And then I broke my leg. Not in a complicated way, but I broke my fibula and tibia in multiple ways, dislocated the ankle joint, tore the ligaments and ended up after an adventurous rescue in the hospital getting seven screws and a metal plate installed to mend and support my broken bones. That was not how I wanted to start off 2026. Again, the beginning got delayed, and it feels like I am back in the “between-the-year-limbo” of not yet being done and not yet having begun. I’m immobile, in pain, and feel weirdly dull. I have delegated my work obligations and put some things on hold, and now I wait and see, for at least six weeks, until I can finally start this year and finish the old one!
